


I Want To Tell You

by nicsfics



Category: Glee
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual!kurt, D/s elements, allosexual!blaine, sub!Blaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1755681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicsfics/pseuds/nicsfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt makes the discovery that he is asexual, it feels like everything finally makes sense. When he finally gathers up the courage to tell Blaine, they find that their relationship might not be what either of them expected. As they work out new ways to be intimate, Blaine discovers a few things about himself as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want To Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> Canon dubcon (s03e05), roughly follows canon up to “First Time”, unbetaed, concrit welcome!
> 
> I'm not sure exactly where I'll take this fic, so let me know what you guys think!

Kurt Hummel has been thinking. A lot.

For instance, at the moment, he’s thinking about what he wants to wear next week and the lines for his part in the musical and what shows are clogging up his DVR right now. What he’s not thinking about is the fact his boyfriend’s tongue is currently in his mouth, his hand on his chest, his hips a safe distance away.

Which brings Kurt to the most prominent train of thoughts he’s had of late. Whenever he and Blaine get…intimate, Kurt finds that he feels, well, uninterested. Kissing Blaine feels nice, don’t get him wrong, but it doesn’t get him flushed and flustered and distracted the way he can tell it’s getting Blaine, and he’s not quite sure what that means.

Eventually, he pulls back, Blaine chasing his mouth for a moment before he realizes what’s happened, opening his eyes and staring into Kurt’s.

"Hm," he hums, questioning.

"I was just thinking," an understatement really.

Blaine blinks his honey eyes at him for a moment before, “Thinking? About what?”

"We should marathon  _Project Runway_  before it fills up the DVR and Finn deletes it to record a sports match or something,” Kurt replies quickly.

Blaine shakes off his confusion and, Kurt assumes, arousal. “Sure,” he replies, squinting and sounding very unsure.

 

Their evening ends as it usually does, the two snuggled together under Kurt’s coverlet, watching TV until his dad comes home and Blaine has to go.

"See you tomorrow," Blaine leaves with a goodbye kiss to Kurt’s cheek.

-

Kurt contemplates his feelings more as the weeks trail on. He remembers back to the first time he and Blaine ever kissed. It made him feel warm, special, like a prince. Blaine’s kisses always made him feel like that. It’s when they start, for lack of a better term, making out, that Kurt gets a little lost.

He understands enough from general knowledge and those embarrassing yet helpful pamphlets from his dad that there should be some…reaction happening during his makeout sessions with Blaine. He’s not sure if they’re doing it wrong or if Kurt’s just wrong. He’s a bit out of his depth.

However, when Kurt thinks about it, he never really imagined kissing another person before he kissed Blaine. He never thought about what it would feel like past that awkward conversation with Brittany in Sophomore year.

Kurt thinks that maybe, this is a sign that he’s ready for more. He has an amazing, beautiful boyfriend. A boyfriend who compliments him perfectly. Who makes him feel special. Who accepts him and encourages him. Their relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s great in its imperfection. That surely means that they’re ready for the next step, right?

Kurt decides that he should investigate this hypothesis, that maybe it will help with the whole over-thinking thing. He figures that he has to find out what Blaine’s thinking first. If Blaine isn’t ready to take their relationship to the next level, then Kurt will respect it, and they’ll just keep doing what they’re doing, no matter how unsure making out makes him feel.

 

"Do you think I’m boring?" he projects. Okay, there may have been a better way to phrase that.

But Blaine’s grinning. “Are you kidding me? You are the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio.”

And there he goes making Kurt feel warm and content.

"I mean like," Kurt feels odd even asking about it, "sexually. I mean, we are playing a very safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the equator."

"But I thought that’s what we wanted?" Blaine’s eyebrows are scrunched together in that adorably confused way.

Now Blaine is just being too sweet and considerate, and Kurt’s a little frustrated. He really just wants to know how Blaine’s feeling.

"It is," he huffs. "I was just wondering, have you ever had the urge to just rip off each other’s clothes and… get dirty?"

"Uh, yeah," Blaine says, like its the most obvious thing in the world when, to Kurt, it really isn’t. "But that’s why they invented masturbation."

Kurt would rather be having any other conversation now. He’d rather listen to Rachel talk about herself for the next hour than talk about that. “It’s so hot in this room. Could we open up a window?” he mutters, tugging at the collar of his cardigan.

"Hey, I’m serious." Blaine says as he crawls onto the bed. "We’re young. We’re in high school, and yeah we have urges. Whatever we do, I want to make sure you’re comfortable so that I can be comfortable."

When Blaine makes a fondly mocking comment about Kurt’s layers, he ignores it and smiles into the kiss that follows.

-

Kurt thinks he has his answer. Blaine is completely fine with what they’re doing and wants more eventually, but he’s willing to wait for them both to be ready. Kurt’s not sure if he’ll ever be ready, given that he could barely even talk about…those things with Blaine. So, he hasn’t figure out exactly how he feels about the whole sex thing, but he knows that Blaine will give him the time to figure it out. He knows not to feel guilty when he tells Blaine that he really rather just watch a movie in their pajamas or talk than makeout. Blaine is great and Kurt is great and their relationship is great.

That is, until the appearance of Sebastian Smythe.

-

Kurt walks into the Lima Bean for his morning fix when he spots his beautiful boyfriend sitting at a center table. With another guy. This guy, Sebastian, is looking at Blaine weirdly, like he wants to devour him or something and Kurt doesn’t like anything about him. It’s almost instinct for Kurt to pull his boyfriend closer by the arm.  _Mine_.

So maybe Blaine isn’t as satisfied with their relationship as Kurt thought. Maybe he wants to do more, start “living”, as he had put it. Well, Kurt can do that.

"I mean we have a whole bunch of firsts to start crossing off our lists," Kurt says, trying for intimidating, because Sebastian just keeps  _staring_  and he thinks Blaine looks just a little besotted.

-

Sitting at the bar, Kurt realizes that this was actually a really bad idea.

He’s splitting his attention between lending an ear to Karofsky (who he is happy for, though still very wary of) and watching Blaine dance  _with someone else_.Eventually he decides to quit the bar and take his rightful place next to his boyfriend. And once Blaine wraps his arms around him and Sebastian fades into his peripheral, Kurt is almost enjoying himself.

That all comes to a screeching halt when he and Blaine head out to his car. He’s still on edge from meeting one of his former tormentors again (no matter how cordial it was) and Sebastian’s presence. So when Blaine begs, “Kiss me,” with alcohol strong on his breath, Kurt would really rather not.

But Blaine keeps pushing.

By the time they’re horizontal in the backseat, kissing with a complete lack of the intimacy they usually have, all Kurt can think is  _stop_  and  _cold hands_. So he lets his frustration at Sebastian’s stares and his hurt that Blaine would push his boundaries and his general confusion out in a frustrated growl.

“I’ve never felt less like being intimate with someone and either you can’t tell or you just don’t care!”

Blaine walks the half hour home and Kurt doesn’t sleep that night for all the thoughts and worries on his mind.

-

Kurt thinks that he and Blaine are fighting. At least, they haven’t spoken to one another for the last two days and it sure feels like a fight. Kurt does know that he’s upset, but he hasn’t figured out what to do about it yet. After yet another day of mostly avoiding Blaine in the halls, Kurt decides that he’s had enough. He and Blaine need to talk soon and when they do, Kurt will be prepared.

Once he determines that he will straighten things out with his boyfriend, Kurt still has no idea how to go about it. He thinks of asking his dad for advice before deciding that no matter how much he trusts his dad, he won’t ever feel comfortable talking to him about sex or confessing how exactly he spent his weekend. His other choices of confidant, like Rachel, are busy preparing for the musical in a few days. And Mercedes is still fuming from her recent diva-off with Rachel (anger which Kurt feels is totally justified).

Kurt sighs to himself in resignation. As a last and final resort, he plops down on his bed, opens his laptop, and goes to a familiar website.

Technically, the site is an advice blog for teens, by teens. He usually uses it to find the best trends in anti-spotting moisturizers and coupon codes for Doc Martens, but he’s noticed the “Relationships” tag over on the left side of the screen before. He’d never thought he’d need it for any reason. He sighs again as he clicks the link.

It takes him a few different search queries and open tabs to find anything helpful. For every snippet of advice he could probably apply to his situation, there are ten that only really apply to straight couples or simply do not help solve his problem. He does discover however that he and Blaine have a clear issue with communication, which he can admit to being guilty of. He also deducts that they need to have a real talk about boundaries and consent as well as responsible drinking habits.

Kurt thinks he’s done with this site for the day after he frantically scrolls away from a post about how to convince one’s partner that “eating out” is a good idea. Just as he’s about to close the window for good, the next post catches his eye.

"I really need advice. I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for two months. I think she’s beautiful but whenever we do anything sexual, I’m not as into it as she is. Is something wrong with me?"

Kurt can almost feel his heart pounding in his throat. The question resonates so deeply for him that he can’t help but click the link.

The actual advice mostly reiterates the numerous other posts Kurt has read about going your own pace and trying out different options. It’s the last small paragraph that changes everything.

"There is also nothing wrong with not feeling sexual attraction at all. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others. It DOES NOT mean anything’s wrong with you. You can not help your sexual attraction or lack there of. Some people are asexual, some are allosexual, some are somewhere in between.

You can check the asexuality tag for more advice on asexuality or go here for more info: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/”

"Kurt, dinner!" he hears Finn yell outside his bedroom door.

"Coming!" Kurt responds, voice pitchy. He bookmarks every open page before firmly shutting his laptop.

It takes a few deep breaths and a splash of water on his face before he feels composed enough to join his family downstairs.

-

Kurt is up until one o’clock that night looking up everything he can about asexuality. By the time he goes to school in the morning, he’s exhausted, which is one reason why he’s decided to put off his confrontation with Blaine until tomorrow. The other reason is that he has a lot of information to process all at once.

(If there was a third reason, it would be because his role in West Side Story, though small, is very important to him and he’d rather not be completelydistracted the day before the show.)

He learned that there are many asexual people in the world. He’s read about the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. He’s found that some asexual people enjoy sex while some are repulsed by it (he thinks he might be a bit on the latter end of the scale). That there are spectrums of asexuality even. That some asexual people have sex, some don’t. Some are in relationships, some aren’t, and some never wish to be. He’s read over and over again that really, it is okay to just not be sexually attracted to anyone.

In the end, Kurt has learned that it feels right. It fits. He is asexual. Kurt Hummel is asexual.

He’s torn between absolute relief that there is a word for it and anxiousness at what Blaine will say when he tells him. Because, more than just being his boyfriend, Blaine is also his best friend, and Kurt  _has to_  tell him.


End file.
